作者 新东方写作中心 何庆权

　　Application documents, such as the personal statement, can be every bit as important as your GPA or TOEFL score or the two combined in your effort to seek an offer of acceptance and financial aid from a Western university. While Chinese students are accustomed to taking and passing exams, Western universities do not typically assess the qualifications of their applicants through traditional exams. This is not to say that their standards of acceptance are not stringent. But foreign professors do first lend their ears to you to hear what you have to say about yourself as they try to determine whether you are the kind of student they are looking for. As you perforce talk about yourself through the application documents, you may find that, in writing those documents, you face your biggest challenges as well as greatest opportunities.

　　Writing winning application documents requires more than the mere ability to write clearly and concisely, which are, after all, basic threshold skills required for any type of writing. An effective application document, however, requires the applicant to ably communicate his/her unique characteristics and experiences in a way that will distinguish himself/herself from the rest of the applicant pool. This is a very demanding, often onerous, task, not just for the Chinese. Native speakers of English do chafe and puff under the formidable job of such writing, too, although we the Chinese have to clear the added hurdle of language barriers. But you should know that you can accomplish the task, and do it no less well than the native speakers. When you do, you will find that the efforts you have put in extremely rewarding.

　　"You are special, I am special, and everyone is special, each in his or her own way." This is part of a song that my daughter used to sing in Canada. It is also the basic tenet you the applicant have to remember if you have any trouble coming up with ideas for your document. When faced with the task of writing application documents, a lot of applicants, especially the younger ones, say that they do not know what to write about. They lament that they have not done anything great in the two dozen or more years of their drab existence. If you feel so, it is only because you have not done enough work, and you have not fully examined yourself. Take the following steps:
　　a) analyze your personality and personal history,
　　b) prioritize, organize and tailor your personal traits, experiences and accomplishments to meet school admission criteria/requirements,
　　c) fit all this prioritized information into a narrative structure, and
　　d) craft a convincing essay that highlights all your uniqueness. As long as you probe deeply enough into your life experiences and your inner world, you will discover that you are special, very special, in your own way.
　　The composition of a set of application documents is a process of self-examination. The successful applicant focuses on substantive strategies and concerns in this process so as to stand apart from those who have approximately the same GPA, TOEFL scores, comparable accomplishments, awards and/or life experiences. While the rest of the candidate pool may be able to write clearly and competently, the smart candidate writes with the intent to beat the competition by differentiating him/herself from others. This is where creative, purposeful, and engaging writing comes into play.
　
　　Step 1: STRATEGY

　　Research!
　　Research the schools you are applying to. Most schools will provide you, upon request, with a brochure that gives information about the school's expectations from its applicants. Talk to people you know who attended that school, if at all possible. Most Chinese students are not able to call international long-distance, and therefore not able to talk to admissions counselors and other school officials. But you may be able to take advantage of the school's alumni program to network with graduates. The more you know about the school, its programs, and its faculty members, the better you will be able to structure your essay and show that you are truly interested in the school. Additionally, this extra research effort may pay off by notifying the reader that you have taken more time to learn more about the school than other applicants. Extra research leaves the readers with a favorable impression of your diligence, dedication and interest in their institution. This extra knowledge and information does not have to be mentioned in every sentence or otherwise be overstated, but be sure that you mention it in your personal statement or some other document. A clever way of making such a mention is to convey the specific impression that you have got by going the extra mile.
　　Know the Stakes Involved!
　　Understand the importance of the Application Documents. hey are needed in place of the admission exams in the Chinese system of education. Always remind yourself of the high stakes involved in being admitted into the school of your choice. Whether you are successful in obtaining an offer of acceptance or financial assistance can spell the difference between two life paths in diametrical contrast. Be aware of the impact this will have on your future career trajectory, earnings expectations, and career options. Instead of feeling overwhelmed or anxious, use the gravity of the process to motivate yourself and write the best essay you possibly can.
　　Know the Question Being Asked!
　　Some schools lay out their specific requirements for a personal statement and other documents. Others, particularly business schools, mandate answers to carefully crafted essay questions. These questions and requirements vary according to the type of school, department, or reputation of the school you are applying to. But, in order to make your statement engaging, memorable, and distinctive, you must apply the basic strategy of isolating and focusing on the central theme asked in each question -- answer it! Read the questions and requirements carefully, and think them through. What exactly are they asking for? What is the scope of the question? Application questions often range from the extremely specific [e.g., what are the personal challenges regarding interpersonal matters that you feel brought out your conflict mediation and management skills?] to the open-ended and amorphous [e.g. tell us something about yourself regarding your desire to become an attorney]. Whatever the wording is, use them as your guidelines in your writing.
　　Some question formats pose one general question and several more specific questions. Don't let your answer to the general question be a mere repetition of the specific queries. Pay close attention to the precise question asked and avoid being repetitive. Reserve all other information worthy of some detail for the general personal statement. Make your general statement a "catch-all" document which gives the Admissions Committee the impression that there is more to you than you have previously revealed.
　　Avoid redundancies among the different parts of your application package. Don't just recite your GPA and/or courses taken in your personal statement. These will probably be given adequate consideration elsewhere in the application. However, you may mention your GPA and courses taken if you believe they require explanation or elaboration. For instance, you may state that your GPA discrepancy was due to an illness that required hospitalization or due to family problems. Do not make "excuses" for your poor grades. Or you may state that the GPA you got in a particular year was the second highest in a class of 200 students. Do not just say that you are an excellent student. Give the Admissions Committees some new information about yourself in every document, and help those foreign devils make sense of the information you have provided.
　　Beware of a "one size fits all" attitude!
　　Once you have decided the substantive parameters of an essay or statement, you must discern the type and structure of an essay that would be the most efficient and responsive to the concerns that the Admissions Committees have. With this in mind, beware that there is no ONE generic statement that could possibly meet all the concerns harbored by all the schools you are applying to. Most schools vary in the personal mix of the people they wish to admit. You should, to the largest extent possible, tailor your statement closely to the questions or requirements contained in the application package. In the absence of explicit requirements or questions, you still have to assess, on the basis of whatever information you have, what the Admissions Committees are dying to know. Although one personal statement might generally meet the requirements of more than one school, a separate personal statement should, ideally, be written specifically for each and every school.
　　The Bottom Line
　　Your personal statement is your chance to shine. Plan it accordingly. Discuss accomplishments, not failures; valuable experiences, not defeats. When you do have to discuss setbacks in your life, discuss them in a way that demonstrates your resilience. Emphasize the positive and empowering, do not bore or depress the reader. Make sure your personal statement is bright, involved, engaging and motivated. Remember that the Admissions Committees are composed of experienced professionals who have probably combed through thousands of personal statements over the span of their careers. Chances are that they are already very bored of generic personal statements that can be applied to everybody and used for every school. You will do yourself a great disservice if you allow your statement to fall among those tiresome documents the Admissions Committee members would love to hate.

　　Step 2. ORGANIZATIO

　　Keep your goals or purpose in mind
　　Telling your personal story, like any storytelling, can take many forms. From short and choppy to verbose and ornate. introducing one's self by written words can take many forms and shapes -- as varied as individuals themselves speak. However, a successful personal statement is a narrow form of introduction which focuses primarily on two central themes -- "Who am I?" and "What Can I offer?" The successful personal statement must adequately meet these twin objectives -- introducing yourself and describing your potential as a successful candidate. Hence, it is important to isolate key accomplishments, turning points, and events in your life, things that shed light on these central themes. Analyze your experience, personal history and memory to isolate certain key "defining moments" in your life,
　　A more sophisticated document should also address two other themes - "What do I want to do?" and what does my proposed study have to do with what I want to do?" Good answers to these two questions can show people that you are a committed professional, not someone who seeks to go to America for its own sake.
　　Personal Assessment
　　The writing process can be an exciting process because it presents the opportunity to tell and explore your own personal history. What we write down, what we focus on, what we highlight and explore gives an insight as to our own particular and unique values, hopes, aspirations and ideals. Keep all this in mind. The information you present, as much as how you present it, can portray you either as a positive and eager individual or as an easily discouraged person merely going through the motions of the application process. Always keep in mind the particular image you wish to paint when sifting through your personal facts and writing your essay.
　　Some of the topics, not necessarily in order of importance or priority, to explore and develop for essay purposes include:
　　a) the educational achievements you have made
　　b) projects you have completed
　　c) particular jobs and responsibilities
　　d) accomplishments -- both professional and scholastic
　　e) major life events that you believe have changed you
　　f) challenges and personal hurdles you have overcome
　　g) life events which motivate you to apply for this particular course of education.
　　h) individuals who influenced, prepared, or motivated you to pursue a particular profession or school i) particular traits, work habits, attitudes or sensibilities that you have developed which will insure your success in school or in a profession.
　　J) your goals
　　k) your hobbies

　　Always remember to explore these topics with the underlying purpose of showing how these events, experiences and people have affected you in such a way that will help you succeed in the school you are applying to. Make a list of the things you wish to mention, and, while you do so, keep in mind your wish to give the reader the impression that you have the qualifications as well as the motivation, direction, and drive to succeed in their school or program.
　　At this stage, focus on writing down, as specifically as possible, the different events and accomplishments that you feel should be mentioned. You may not have to be concerned with grammar or other technicalities this early on. The important point is that you adequately describe your chosen events and accomplishments. This, as you may have learned, is called brainstorming.
　　Organizing Facts
　　Now that you have listed your interests and past jobs, read these facts carefully and isolate the emotion that each fact/event triggers. Does the memory of an event or activity or accomplishment trigger pride, resolve, or a sense of "making peace and moving on"? Does it motivate you to forge ahead and do more to correct a mistake? Once you are emotionally engaged, try to identify one trait that makes you feel good or particularly proud of yourself. And isolate the personal trait that you feel was improved or took some time to improve. Then isolate the events, experiences, or people with personal traits, goals and motivation. Circle the facts and pair them with specific personal traits or personal qualities. You should then write short sentences explaining how each pairing would help you become successful in the particular school or program you are applying to. In the parlance of English Writing teachers, this is called "clustering." When you finish clustering, you should be ready to find an organizing structure or format for your essay.
　　You as an applicant should first gain a comprehensive view into your personal attributes, prospects, and values in order to highlight your personal achievements and potential for excellence. Under the guidance of this view, you then craft the most effective personal statement possible. Don't forget what I have said earlier - everyone is special, and you are special, too. I do not know you, but trust me, you do have the attributes and qualifications that stand yourself apart from all others.
　　Your personal stories could be told in various forms, ranging from the novel to a short story to parables and allegories. One's personal story can fit into many types of presentations. Nevertheless, certain formats predominate over others because these formats are more commonly used and therefore time-tested. Here are just three organizing and thematic formats we often use in developing customized personal statements. A seasoned writer may be able to use different combinations of these and other formats in the same statement or essay.
　　1. OVERCOMING ADVERSITY
　　This format emphasizes your commitment, intelligence and the triumph of your human will in dealing with, overcoming, or making peace with unpleasant life-transforming events or characters.
　　Far from placing blame on others or making excuses, this format isolates the applicant's ability to thrive despite external and/or internal hindrances.
　　DO's:
　　i. Be Descriptive.
　　Use facts to back up ALL your assertions. Never state specifics -- describe them. How exactly are you "more mature"? What experiences have you had that would warrant an attribution of "entrepreneurial" and "creative"? Although most Admissions Committees are not looking for statements that describe some sort of personal revelation or enlightenment, use your personal facts to describe who you are and why you are exceptional.
　　ii. Emphasize your positive attitude by stating your future plans.
　　Fit this material with certain facts or programs about the school that you have discovered in your research.
　　iii. Show a proactive attitude through your word choices and sentence sequence.
　　DONT'S:
　　i. Do not dwell on how you suffered or how much of a "victim" you were. Don't place blame or judge -- you don't want to come off as bitter and angry.
　　ii. Don't engage in self-pity.

　　2. PERSONAL GROWTH
　　This format surveys your achievements and accomplishments and lists your comments thereupon. The comments trace the evolution and transformation of the individual into a successful and determined candidate.
　　DO's:
　　i. Use a positive, active voice
　　ii. Focus on the changes in your attitude and perspective giving concrete factual examples of these changes.
　　iii. Give a clear, concise and adequately developed description of key events from which you derived personal growth and wisdom.
　　DONT'S:
　　i. Make excuses for failed and dashed expectations.
　　Explain why things did not work out and most importantly what you have done to cope with disappointments. However, outside of illness or other unforeseen circumstances, don't just explain away bad grades or bad semesters. If applicable, do explain how personal setbacks have given you a new attitude, one that has translated into a concrete accomplishment. Try not to over-focus on personal enlightenment but focus instead on concrete outcomes or consequences of such personal revelations.
　　ii. Appear to feel sorry for yourself.
　　iii. Focus on just ONE achievement.
　　iv. Appear angry or bitter.
　
　　3. FAMILY HISTORY@ This format tells a family member's story and how the applicant interacted with that person's legacy or was inspired by that person's achievements. This format is often used to show how historical influences color and shape an individual. The family member here can be substituted with other personages.
　　DO's-.
　　i. Isolate personal traits and attributes
　　Briefly describe a family member who has inspired you to pursue your education or particular professional vocation.
　　ii. You may discuss, briefly, any struggles that your family has overcome.
　　iii. Remember that the Family History format's purpose is to highlight YOUR achievements & YOUR ability to cope with family obstacles.
　　DONT'S:
　　i. Overstate family problems.@ ii. Appear to be asking for pity.
　　iii. Place so much importance on your family's struggle that you lose focus on your own struggles and achievements.
　　CATCH WORDS
　　Whatever format you employ, try to pigeonhole your personal attributes and professional qualifications into terms that are readily understandable to the professors on the Admissions Committees. This means that, for students of business and humanities, you need to focus your essay on commitment, communication skills, organizational skills, leadership abilities, and team spirit. For students of science and engineering, you need to talk about your analytical and experimental skills, or, alternatively, your abilities in research and development, in addition to your commitment and team spirit. So, instead of saying how tenacious you are in the face of odds, you tell your readers how committed you are to your career. You have "team spirit" rather dm "love for the collective", "communication skills" rather than the ability to "say different things to diffrent people", and "leadership abilities" rather than "administrative and control capacity."

　　STEP3. EXECUTION

　　Writing with a Distinctive Voice
　　Once you've gathered your information and selected a structure for your essay, you are now ready to write your statement. A key element of the writing process is choosing a particular point of view from which to present your information. Of course, your choice of perspective depends on the particular style you have developed over the years. The following is an analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of applying a particular writing voice to personal statement drafting.
　　1. First Person
　　This is the most basic and common voice. This employs the use of the word "I." This approach is great for most formats. Professional and graduate school applicants most often use this approach because it is the most direct. The greatest danger this approach presents is boring the reader if you do not vary your sentence structure. Avoid placing subjects in front of predicates consistently throughout the essay; reverse their order. Pay attention to sentence length and word choice to vary the look and feel of the essay.
　　2. Third Party Narrator
　　While this approach can be very creative and effective for writing the personal statement, Chinese students should experiment with this voice very sparingly. As the third party's viewpoint is particularly powerful in telling stories of personal growth and evolution, you can use it effectively for drafting the reference letters, which are also an important part of your application package. This narrative voice often employs the perspective of a teacher, parent or a friend telling your personal story.
　　3. Second Person
　　Uses the word "You." This is a rarely used voice but crucial for building empathy between the reader and the applicant. It is often used in a storytelling format. The problem with this approach is that it may be too personal for the reader.
　　Chinese applicants, who usually find it challenging to write anything in English may use the second person while drafting their documents, but should only use the first person in their finalized personal statements. The second person approach should be steadfastly avoided in the application process except for the extremely rare circumstances.@ Writing the Statement: the Power of a Good Introduction
　　Your introductory paragraph may be the most crucial portion of your entire essay. This is your opportunity to grab the attention of the reader and encourage them to read your essay intently. Take your time and go through possible alternative approaches for presenting your information. Instead of saying, "This is my personal story....," or "I was born on September 29, 1978..., " try:
　　Born into a family beset with poverty, I had to give up a normal higher education in favor of vocational training midway through high school. Exercising diligence to give full play to my intelligence, I parlayed my vocational career in the provinces into graduate studies at a top university in the nation's capital, Beijing. Now a Ph.D. candidate with China's topmost research institution, I wish to vault to the forefront of the field of spatial statistics by pursuing post-doctorate studies at your university. (adapted from a passage in the book 《留学书信写作指导》by何庆权、包凡一)
　　Some Chinese applicants are very fond of employing a quote, anecdote, or some other gimmicks for an opening paragraph. This is fine as long as you know how to do it right. Unfortunately, I have seldom, if ever, seen such a paragraph that is apt. If you really want to cling to this approach, make sure that the quote or anecdote is at least relevant to, and preferably strengthening, the story you tell about yourself. Avoid cliches, truisms and spurious axioms.
　　An effective opening line engages the reader and draws them into your essay, compelling them to read your personal story closely. The rest of your introduction should be a short summary of what is to come. However, don't just write a summary. Dramatize and highlight the following paragraphs of your essay. In essence, your introduction should be an exciting preview of the body of your statement.
　　The Body: Getting the Message Across
　　The main paragraphs should consist of events, experiences and activities you have already organized in chronological order or in order of importance. You should feel free to give special prominence to those accomplishments that you believe deserve particular attention. Be specific and detailed. Tell the readers the reasons why you deserve to get admitted to their school. Let them know in no uncertain terms that you qualify over and above the rest for a spot in the entering class. Be careful not to sound redundant. Each and every paragraph should have a separate theme, and developed within and throughout the paragraph. Your final body paragraph should end on a positive note restating your goals in terms of your anticipated fulfillment at the institution to which you are applying.
　　Conclusion
　　The personal essay, like any persuasive writing piece, is a "front loaded" document. Emphasize your point with a topic sentence at the beginning of the document. Thus, dramatic flourishes should not be reserved for the conclusion of your essay. Conclusion paragraphs may not be needed if the last paragraph of your body is striking enough. However, if you decide to write a conclusion, make sure not to merely restate your introduction. While its acceptable to restate your goals and motivations, you should do so in a manner that will leave a lasting impression with the reader. Rather than claiming, "I have worked hard in school as a tutor, and I believe that I will be successful at your school," try, "My GPA, professional experiences, and incomparable traits combine to make me the outgoing, accomplished and promising candidate that your school is looking for." It often helps if you can somehow return to the specific ideas that you have stated in the opening paragraph. Be clear, straight-forward, and end with a bang!

　　Step 4: QUALITY CONTROL AND REVISION

　　Review and Revision
　　This is perhaps one of the most important essays you will ever write, so do not submit your first draft. Read it aloud, have a friend read it, then revise, revise and revise! While a few schools now try to conduct personal interviews either in China or over the phone, in the vast majority of cases, the application documents, particularly the personal statement, represent your only chance to personally connect with the person who holds the decision-making power to admit or reject you. Thus, if the essay does not feel right, never hesitate to revise it once more. Make sure the essay has the overall content, tone and feel that you intend to convey to the reader.
　　Do not hesitate to analyze your essay line by line. Question whether each line fits and connects with the rest, especially the next. Ask whether it is concise, effective, and illuminates the general theme or supports an assertion. Make sure that all sentences follow the preceding ones in logical order. If something is not absolutely clear to you, it certainly will not be clear to the reader who knows nothing about you.
　　Eliminate all redundancies
　　Check every word, every phrase, and every sentence. They each should carry some significance for the purpose you want the documents to serve. Read over each paragraph and make sure that each is dedicated to a separate thesis or theme. Repeating the same topic or theme over and over again will bore the reader, and the essay will lack the professional feel that you are going to convey.
　　Look at the essay as a whole.
　　Are there any missing parts that would aid your thesis? If so, go over your "paired" list (pairings of facts and personal attributes) and provide the material for the missing sections.
　　Support all assertions
　　Find any claims or assertions that are unsupported by facts, events, or other descriptive material. Compare "I am an enterprising individual" with "While going to college and taking a full engineering course load, a couple of friends and I decided to form our own software company ... " If these gaps exist, use facts to link your particular experiences with the message you are sending. Every line should make logical sense, and every fact must support your thesis.
　　Proofreading
　　The final step of your writing process should be, if at all possible, to have two or more people read your essay. One person should be someone very familiar with your personal background. If pertinent information is excluded in your essay, that person may be able to point it out. The second person should be someone who is casually acquainted with you. Since any areas in your essay that are unclear to this reader will also likely be unclear to the Admissions Committee, this reader should be able to point out the problems. Lastly, but very importantly, a third person should check for grammatical and spelling errors. You must make sure that there are absolutely no errors in your essay. After all, you are trying to convey a professional image of yourself. You'd be surprised how bad an impression a single spelling error makes on the reader. Reread, reread, and reread again!
　　A MATTER OF FAITH
　　A key to successful writing of application documents is the faith you have in yourself. You must have faith in both your anxious self and your ability to write. As has been said, everyone is special. In the process of composing the application documents, you should find yourself special, too. If only you look hard enough and deeply enough at yourself! Whether or not you have performed many great deeds, you surely have qualities, experiences and skills that other people do not. At the very minimum, you have in you a unique combination of the commonly shared attributes. Do not allow anyone, not even yourself, to tell you that you are just too ordinary to tell from others. That is simply not true and cannot possibly be true. Once you know how special you are, you should not be intimidated by the writing, which is only to tell people the honest truths you know about yourself. With adequate soul-searching, you should acquire the passion for asserting your able self to the world, not to speak of the foreign professors who hold the key to your lifetime opportunities. A document written with faith and passion can only be good.
　　So, have some faith, and out will pop the document you need.